Self-care or Selfish?

 

The Difference is:

Dictionary.com defines self-care as "the act of attending to one's physical or mental health, generally without medical or other professional consultation."  

Selfish is defined as "devoted or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others."

Is it that simple?

In my opinion, it is not as simple as the definitions state.  Society expects women (mothers, especially) to put others before themselves.  I am no different.  I have always put everyone and everything above my own health.  Discussion of mental health was a subject we didn't really discuss in my family.  I feel like we rarely acknowledged it if we acknowledged it at all.

If I had to rank my priorities, my health was always last.  I put my family above work, my work above academics, my academics above my health.  I would continue to push through pain and illness to complete a job.  That is, until recently.

I am not ashamed to admit I speak to a therapist weekly.  I also speak with a psychiatrist.  These things are still difficult to discuss in society.  This past summer, I found myself in a psychiatric hospital for a mental breakdown and suicidal ideation.  When I was released, I posted about it publicly, which led me to continue my self-love blog.  A friend of mine sent me the care package in the photo. 

Removing the Selfish thoughts

Through therapy and studying psychology with a concentration in mental health, I've learned to ask myself these questions to determine if I am being selfish:

1. Am I able to control my emotions (respond instead of react) to a sudden stressful situation?
2. If not, am I able to decompress from the previous stressful situation (rough day at work, overloaded senses, etc.)?
3. Do I have other living beings that need my attention?
4. Is there anyone who can help with the other living beings, so I can decompress/relax?

If I was selfish, I wouldn't care if anyone needed anything else.  When I get to these bad moments, I communicate with my husband and adult children, so they are aware.  

Does it always work?

Honestly, no.  At least, not as quickly as I'd like.  My husband and adult children have other things to do as well, but communication helps.  We can figure out a plan together that would benefit everyone.  Sometimes "good enough" is enough.  

This last weekend has definitely been hard, but I was put into a situation that made me rest.  My mental health affected me physically and I had no choice.  The anxiety attacks were intense, so my family took over.

Final Thoughts

I can't take care of anyone else if I don't take care of myself first.  However, if putting myself first endangers the welfare of someone I love, then it is no longer self-care.  It is selfish.

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