I'm 1 in 4. Are you? Did they not believe you are?

In honor of Women's History Month, Snow Blossom has something to ask.

How many women do you know?  It has to be at least, FOUR, right?  Why is that relevant?  Let me explain.

According to Mayo Clinic, as many as 1 in 4 pregnancies will result in miscarriage.  I was surprised to learn that medically, a miscarriage is recorded spontaneous abortion.  That hurt because I'd always known abortions to be a choice.  With the turning of Roe v Wade, this term brought on more anxiety, especially because I live in a state that supports banning abortions.

Not all miscarriages are reported or logged into medical records because doctors have a protocol to follow as well.  If there is no physical evidence (positive pregnancy taken in the office, elevated HCG levels in a blood test, or fetal tissue present on scans), they cannot document it as such.

I am 1 in 4.  I have 2 kiddos, 1 who I birthed, the other is a bonus, and 5 angel babies.  Out of those 5, I knew about 3, and I was fortunate to have a doctor that documented those with only the positive home tests.  However, this last one (just recently), I had no clue existed until it was too late.  I went through H3LL trying to get the help I needed.

I knew something wasn't right, and I was about to schedule an appointment.  I was late, and my home tests were showing up as negative.  I'd been testing for two weeks, trying to catch it early if I was because of the kind of birth control I use.  I know it isn't 100% effective, so I was making sure.  I thought nothing of it until I felt that familiar feeling from previous miscarriages.

It was that gush.  It's hard to explain, but that's the easiest way to describe it.  To save you all from the gruesome details, I saw it - the loss.  It was unmistakable, so I knew then.  Before that, I had no clue because of the birth control.  I wasn't even hoping for a positive test either because of it.  Don't get me wrong, my husband and I were planning to try for another one - just not yet.  I allowed myself the week to grieve and let my emotions go, but something still wasn't right.

A week later, after grocery shopping, I doubled over in excruciating pain.  I felt feverish and weak.  I asked my friends' opinions if I should go in, and one advised going.  She knew about the loss, and had experienced her own, so she told me she was worried about a possible infection from the miscarriage.  I didn't want to go, but at her advice, I went anyway.  That's when I stepped into H3LL.

I told them I miscarried, and I explained to the doctor what happened.  At least, I tried to.  

Dr:  How did you know?  Was the pee stick positive?
Me: No, but I saw the baby
Dr: People get mucus from that area all the time.  I can assure you it wasn't a baby, but I guess we can do a blood test.

He diagnosed me before even seeing me.  He mentioned an ultrasound, which was not done.  He mentioned other tests, which also weren't completed.  The emotional turmoil I felt led me to wanting to scream "How the H3LL do you know?  You have never experienced the pain and hurt and connection I felt!  You will never understand how scared I was to come in!"  As much as I wanted to, I froze instead.  He made me feel like I was crazy, so I cried as I waited.  I questioned myself because it wasn’t the first time I didn't know I was pregnant but knew something was wrong.

This broke me in ways I didn't think I could be broken.  So please - I urge you to believe her.  When I woman confides in you, she is trusting you will believe her, so believe her.  When you see your patients scared and hesitant, believe her.  Yes, some women may fake this, but you'll see the look that women can't fake.  When they come in devastatingly sad, believe her.

It is hard enough choosing to be seen by healthcare professionals, so when throwing tests at her and telling her she's wrong about her own instincts about her own body, you're removing her intuition, her dignity, and her self-confidence.  She will crumble and question everything about herself and doubt her own thoughts about her body.

I hope that one day, WOMEN'S HEALTH will be seen just as important are other healthcare matters.  Until then, BELIEVE HER.

To help with my grieving process, I asked Lokilani to design a shirt for me, so I'd have a way to honor and remember my babies.

It is available in the Merch Shop.  This is the hoodie and other shirts are available.

Resource:
https://mcpress.mayoclinic.org/pregnancy/why-do-miscarriages-happen/

Snow Blossom's story was revised by Lokilani Raiyne.  More about Snow coming soon.